I was inspired to start this advice blog by an anonymous question I got on my personal blog asking for help on a very serious matter. This blog is open to anyone that needs help, support, advice, guidance etc…
I will post: Answers to ALL your questions (Big or Small), Inspiring Quotes, Personal triumphs and general life lesions.
I give you my word that I will neither judge nor reprimand you for anything you write. My sole purpose is to help as many of you as I can.
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a therapist or a trained psychologist. I am here simply to try to guide you in to the right direction.
PLEASE NOTE: I take a lot of consideration and thought in to my responses. Sometimes I even do a little research on your behalf, so please bear with me, it may take me a little time to get back to you.
I respond to EVERYONE'S questions in the order they come in, so unless it's been 48 hours since you posted your questions please don't message me here or on my personal blog asking me to hurry up!! It's not nice!
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Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
As much as I hate to do this…
I will be closing this blog down. =( When I started this blog I had a lot more time on my hands but since than my schedule has gotten more and more complex.
I really enjoyed being there for all of you and I hope I gave you guys a safe place to go when you needed help.
I didn’t want to just delete this account and make you guys wonder what happened.
So, I am very sorry to have to do this but the blog is closing down =(
You need to get help. You will never be able to stop unless you surround yourself with positive people who don’t cut themselves. The more you talk to her the worse it will get because she is straight and she will never want the same things you do. That can’t lead to anything good.
Please call this number and get help. It’s free and anonymous! 1-800-DONT CUT
thanks so much for your advice. it's so frustrating seeing it happen because i can see what's happening and i don't even think my mum realises what she's doing half the time. i know she doesn't mean anything by it, i've never been mistreated or anything like that - we're a very close family. it just annoys me because i think she's doing because he's the last born and she kind of doesn't want him to grow up. i feel like i'm overreacting because i know it must be hard watching your kids grow up and that but it just frustrates me so much. thank you for taking the time to give me advice though, you're right. i think all i can do is just carry on doing what i'm doing, finish college and just do my best in life. i think she'll realise one day, and hopefully my brother will realise when he's matured a bit.
You welcome hun, glad to have helped!
I guess actions speak louder than words. I don’t think he likes you that way, he may just wanted someone to kiss and play around with. Next time you see him and he wants to kiss you, deny his ass because it sounds like he is using you.
No I don’t think you are pregnant. If you don’t get your period in the next two weeks than I would worry. But most likely you are fine.
I have some issues, and I want to know what you would do if you were in my situation.
So, I'm 18 years old and I'm a virgin. I don't have a boyfriend right now. However I go to school all day, and work 23 hours a week. I'm studying to be a psychiatrist, which means I'm busy all the time. Point is, I'm very happy with my life.
However, people at work are what my problem is. People seem to disrespect me because I've never had sex, or because I'm single. One day, I was in a bad mood. Not for any particular reason, it was just one of those days you know? My male coworker said "You need to get some dick. Maybe then you won't be such a bitch." Wow. I know right? Wait, it doesn't end there! At work, I eat mints a lot. Just because I like to. Today, another male coworker said "You should put your sucking to better use and find a man."
I didn't stick up for myself either time, and there's been other instances similar to this. I'm embarassed to tell a manager what's going on, because, well, it's embarassing to have to tell your manager that you're a virgin and that people are making fun of you for it. I also don't want the awkwardness of my coworkers getting in trouble because of me. I would go looking for another job, but there's no way I could find one in this economy.
It just makes me wonder if I'm actually happy with my life, or do I agree with what my coworkers are saying. I mean are they right? Will my life be just SO much better after I've lost my virginity and have a boyfriend? I don't know. I don't know what to do about their disgusting comments and I don't know if I should just give it up to someone so I stop having to deal with them. I just don't know.
(PS if you actually read all of this, I automatically respect you, because it's so much haha. But it would really mean the world to me if you respond. I'm just very confused, and telling anyone else would be too awkward.)
Thank you :)
Why in the world did you tell your coworkers that you were a virgin???? This is a good learning experience for you because you can NEVER treat your coworkers as your friends. I don’t even know how they found out but NEVER talk about your personal life in the future to ANYBODY that you work with.
The thing is that I am very feisty, so what I would do in this situation is very different from what you can do because I don’t have any problems telling people off. If you can find it somewhere inside of you to stand up for yourself and tell them off than please do. But honestly I don’t think you will do that. But I would tell your manager. Hell all your coworkers know already whats the big deal if one more does. Those comments that they say is like sexual harassment. They will get in to trouble for it and I don’t think they will do it again after that. Who cares if you get them in to trouble, they treat you like shit!!! Why should you treat them any better?? If it was them, they would throw you under a bus in a heartbeat, don’t forget that!!!
Don’t let anyone make you feel like your beliefs are not important. No, your life will not be THAT different after you have sex, so please don’t just lose it to whoever comes around. You will regret it!!!
If he has never given you a reason not to trust him than whats the problem. It’s your insecurities getting the best of you. You can’t let that happen because you will lose him. NOT all guys are phone people. NOT everyone likes to text and talk on the phone for hours. So, until he actually gives you a real reason why not to trust him, please relax and enjoy the time when you are not together to do things that you enjoy doing on your own. Just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to forget who you are. Take that time to go see your friends and do whatever is you use to do before you had a boyfriend.
ever since i was 9 (i'm in my early 20s now) i've always gone to the shops to run errands for my parents, i've been using kitchen appliances like the kettle, microwave, cooker etc, tidied my bedroom by myself etc. my brother's 14 next month.. he doesn't know how to use any kitchen appliances, he never goes to the shops to run errands, he doesn't tidy his own room by himself and every time i bring this up to mum she's always like 'i want to make sure it's done properly' 'it's dangerous for him to use the kettle/microwave etc' 'i helped you with YOUR room at his age' when none of this is true because I'VE been doing it since i was 9!
she constantly makes excuses for him, he gets away with murder and when i mention that to her she goes 'oh that's it! because i mistreated you SO much, boo hoo' and makes a joke out of it.
she also said when my brother is 16, he doesn't have to get a job to pay board because i'm not working at the moment - i was made to go out and work when i was 16, and i'm going to college this year!
nothing i say gets through to her, i've tried so many times to sit her down and have an adult conversation with her but she's incapable of even doing that, she'll always turn it into an argument or tell me to 'shut my mouth'. the joke is, my brother knows he gets treated differently and plays up to it so i'm always made out to be the bad guy.
i can't wait til i can finally afford my own place because she really pisses me off! i know all of this sounds really immature, but am i in the wrong here, or overreacting?
Not at all, its always hard to watch your siblings get treated better than you did. Unfortunately since your mother is not listening to you all you can do is work hard in school, get a part time job, save money and move out when you finish college. Since she is never going to change, don’t waste your energy on getting upset. Put that anger towards your future. And trust me, this special treatment is not good for your brother, he won’t know how to be independent and he will always need his mom to do everything for him. Doesn’t that sound horrible? Trust me, you are WAY better off knowing how to take care of yourself!!!
I understand that while I live under her roof, of course I have to abide by certain rules. I don't have a curfew, but she does like me to keep my phone/keys with me when I'm out which is fine, and she likes to know who I'm with and such.
The problem is with little things such as cooking my own meals, and colouring my hair and really menial things like that. I've recently started cooking things for myself, I tend to kind of throw things together and I learn how to make stuff which I would think would be a good thing for mum, so she doesn't have to do it all the time. But when I'm doing it, she always has to get involved and cut things up, put oil in the pan, tell me what to put in and when, when I already know what to do & I want to do it myself! she always says 'I just want to make sure you get it right' or something along those lines.
And with my hair.. I've only JUST started to colour it myself and every time I do, mum always ends up starting an argument with me because SHE wants to do it when I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself! When I ask her why she insists on doing it she tells me 'I just want to make sure you don't miss any hair.'
I know she's probably only doing this so I know what to do and can get it right but then the next moment she'll be like 'Don't worry if you make a mistake, you can always do it again. It's trial & error.' And bugging me to get a job 'to start looking after myself' (which I'm in the process of doing)
I'm starting to do things for myself because I want to be more independent BEFORE I move out, so I don't struggle. Plus, I'm 20. I'm a legal adult and SHOULD be more independent. I know mum's only like this because she cares but I just feel like she doesn't want me to grow up.. but I'm not a little girl any more, I can do things for myself now and if I make mistakes so what, let me learn by them! She's an adult and lives her life how she sees fit, I don't dictate to anything she does - so let me start living mine how I want. I love her to pieces and I think I'm very lucky to have a close relationship with my mum, but she needs to let me breath & let me learn to fend for myself.
Sorry it's so long, but I just needed to rant - I'm so frustrated!!
Your last paragraph was perfect. You need to tell her that. Since you guys are already close it shouldn’t be hard to open up to her. You can sit her down and tell her that you are trying very hard to find a job and once you do find a job and have enough money too move out you want to be ready. You tell her how much you appreciate EVERYTHING that she does for you but you really want to try to be as independent as possible in her home so that once you move out you’ll know what to do. But this includes everything else, do your own laundry, clean the house form time to time, buy some groceries. Coloring your hair and cooking for yourself is just the small things that you will have to do on your own. Living on your own is very hard because there is nobody there to do anything for you, including paying for rent and other bills.
You will not know the meaning of independence until you move out, nobody does really. So, go easy on your mom, nobody likes to see their children not need them anymore.
Wow, that’s a lot for anybody to go through. I can see that you do have the strength inside of you since you stopped all on your own. But still this is all too much on one person to bare. I strongly suggest talking to someone about this, maybe a school counselor. If you want to be anonymous you can call a free hot-line and talk to someone who can help you through this hard time. 1-800-DONT CUT
I think keeping a journal is also a good idea. Anytime you feel like cutting take out your journal and write down all your feelings. Writing is very therapeutic, it helped me a lot when I was your age and was going through very rough times.
Try to remember that the things that happen to us only make us stronger. We can’t change the past but we can certainly change the future. Whatever goals you have for your life, write out a plan of how you want to get there and get started. It makes it easier when you have something to work towards. And the reward in the end after you have achieved it, well, it’s pure satisfaction, because you made it happen all on your own.
You are strong and powerful and you can do anything you put oyur mind towards! You can do this!
Why do you want to be with someone who is in love with your best friend? We don’t pick who we love, even if they treat us badly, we can’t just turn it off. So, going after this guy is not a good idea for you. Nothing good will come of this. You need to move on and find someone who will feel the same about you. I know it seems hard now, but you will find someone who thinks you are his number one, you don’t want to be anybody’s second choice. If you want him to stop talking to you about their problems, then tell him to please stop because she is your best friend and this is too hard on you. Simple as that.
Yeah, we were friends for 12 years before getting together. Though I knew the entire time he had feelings for me. If you haven’t told her yet how you feel maybe it’s time that you do. Then at least you get it off your chest. Since both of you are single now call her up and be like hey, we are both single and we like spending time with one another, why don’t we go on a date and see how things go. It’ll be fun, a change of scenery.
This way it’s not too serious so that if she says no its no big deal at least you gave it a try.
If she already knows how you feel about her and she is not ready to take your friendship to the next level than there is not much you can do. I knew my husband was in love with me and when I started to have feelings for him I kissed him. And the rest is history. If she knows how you feel, she will come to you if her feelings ever change.
I don’t think seeing one another has anything to do with if he likes you or not. If a guy says he doesn’t know how he feels about you than it means that most likely he doesn’t feel that way towards you or that he is waiting to see if someone else that he likes better likes him back. If you have a connection with someone it comes off clear even over the phone. How do people fall in love online? You don’t have to see them in person to see if you like them. So, I don’t think he feels as strongly for you as you do for him. Especially if he is three years older than you and you are not ready to have sex. So, if your brain is making you push him away it’s for the right reason. Always trust your instincts, it won’t steer you wrong.
Absolutely! We all have our own meaning to what true happiness is for us. We just have to figure out what it is and make it happen.
Oh it’s like a community center for people. They have a gym and a pool and after school activities for kids. Not sure if you guys have that over there.
